You need a trip to Nintendo Land for a crash course in KNOWLEEEEEEEEEEEDGE!

Although the video is just a parody of 90’s sex-ed videos, it’s worth a watch. Highlights include Luigi’s voice, Mario’s moustache becoming pubic hair, Peach’s breast development, and “my little garbanzo bean.”

CYBORGASMATRIX

That’s right, everyone. While we’re on the topic of horrifying sex dolls (thanks, Paul) I need to show you the CYBORGASMATRIX. The CYBORGASMATRIX. It has EYES and a MOUTH and TITTIES.

TITTIES. It’s advertised as the most sophisticated sex doll in history. And it has TRIPLE H TITTIES. Created from a life-size cast of porn actress PANDORA PEAKS. It has a prerecorded voice.

The standard model will set you back 5500 dollars, what with the armless, legless torso, and the TITTIES.

Paul, you started this. Look what you did.

You guys, I think this should be the last entry we ever do on sex dolls.  If we want this to be not a terrible blog of shit.

$50.00 SAMPLE PUSS AND NIPPLES $50.00

The FemSkin is an “anatomically correct flesh like silicone [sic] skin bodysuit in a perfect female form.” Atrocious site design aside, this discovery is indeed one of the creepier things to come out of the Internet this week. It’s basically a giant rubber suit for men that will mold your body into a vile pastiche of the female form, complete with an “insertable rectum for the anus.” In fact, FemSkin apparently produces an entire line of “transgender prosthetics” that you can slap onto your disgusting, fat, hairy body to feel like a woman. Now, I have nothing against the transgender crowd, but this is just wrong. Also, it reminds me of the “woman suit” Buffalo Bill made in The Silence of the Lambs.

Dude with face

Wait, what?

Oh.  Hi.